| Life, the universe, and everything in it. |
[20 Aug 2005|03:16pm] |
Ah....yes.
Be aware that this post may cause boredom, severe headaches, or temporary insanity (if there is such a thing).
Work was long. Very, very, very long. It was from 6-3, and I had only 1 break at noon. 10 minute break.
We were also short 2 people. Being short sucks.
Ugh. I just want to sleep for a very long time.
So. My spiritual status.
I am a christian. Prodestant if thats important. I believe in God, a higher power, and some sort of life after death. I do not believe I know exactly anything about it, but I believe.
I don't think I'll ever find out everyhing about our world. I don't think Ill ever really understand. I think people come alone into this world, and leave alone, but spend life together. I think everyone makes their own reality, lives their own dreams, and will mostly always disagree. I think that if everyone thought the same, it would be alot worse then thinking diffrently.
I'm rather closed. Something I need to work on....starting...now
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1 wishes make a wish
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[19 Aug 2005|11:30pm] |
Yep, I'm alone. In my own little box. Box box box. It has corners. Mmmmm....corners. Round corners. Ayup.
It's got 18 dimensions. Who the hell knows why, just makes it a pickle to find the door. There are no actual pictures hurt in the making of the box though, so don't sue me.
The only thing in it is a rock. It's not exactly round, or square, or triangular. It just is. It doesn't symbolize anything. It just is. It doesn't need validation. It just is. It doesn't need to be understood. It just is.
I'd like to be that rock for once.
I thank God for everyhing I have every night. I say "Thank you, for the air, for the ground, for the love I can give or recieve, and for life." I don't say it to anyone specific, but I believe someone's listening. Then I go about my day, and just try to BE. Being is hard enough as it is.
I'd like to BE that little kid in a sandbox, facinated in how the sand drifts through his fingers. I really am that little kid. I'm just facinated with how the sand follows a flowing density pattern, another "Level" if you'd really like to label it. I like rollings things around, watching wind, sleeping. Really like sleeping.
I'm still just a rock though. I don't change a whole lot. I get worn away by sand and water, heat and cold, just sorta...being. Things change, faces shift, but I'm still just a rock in a room with dimensions I don't pretend to understand. Just being.
I don't know if there are other rocks out there. Or if they differ from the one in my room. I just know my rock. When other multi-colored or see through rocks come up to mine, my rock just trys to "be". It doesnt work though. The rock gets all bothered. But it eventully just goes back to being.
If it's not clear, the rock just is. I'm not sure if rock society is good with just being though. Other rocks just want to be somewhere else. The rock in the room just wants to be happy being, and maybe by being happy with being, being will become easier.
I really wish I could be a rock. In a room, where it's a pickle to find the door.
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1 wishes make a wish
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[05 Apr 2005|02:04pm] |
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It's been a while. A long while. If distance makes the heart grow fonder, or whatever, then I must love this journal like I love Rap. That is to say, not very much.
It's a Tuesday. Tuesday isn't one of those "important days" of the week, rather it seems bland when compared to an entity like "Friday".
Oooo Friday.
But Tuesday, like all things, has it's upsides: example A, lack of previous engadgements. After translation from Ed-speak it sounds like "I get to be lazy, lethargic, and play games all day." If that doesn't sound like fun to you, you have better things to do than me on Tuesdays. Anyway, thats Tuesday for you.
I hate (and yes, hate is a stong word) people or systems that impose beliefs. Either through "proving it" by giving me some misguided quotes that are supposed to enlighten me, or outright telling me I'm wrong. I believe (and believe me, people must hate me for this) that beliefs are personal. That is to say, I have my beliefs, I found them, I'll change them if I want, woohoo. I don't like when people pull a 1st centure chinese guy out of their ass, who says "Blah blah blah, and the cow flew over to moon", and expect anyone to go "Ahh, of corse." Now, give me a half hour, the book that it's in, and context, and I'll understand what the person is getting at. If the "thruth" is found by listening to what people say, you'll always be limited. You'll never be able to grow past that, into your own beliefs. All really that this means is, "don't disagree with me because I can't handle it". Thats not quite right, strike that. All I'm really trying to say is that people have beliefs. They will be presented in pretty catalogs or nice shiny wrapping paper, but they're BELIEFS. "My belief is better than yours" bullshit that goes around the whole world is simply...backwards. Between people who love eachother, it's even worse.
This is getting long winded, but all it really means is to accept what other people believe. Maybe not BELIEVE it, but accept it. And talk, and share, and blah blah blah all that good lovey duvy stuff. But tension doesn't help translation of beliefs. So gotta give that up. Simplicity greatly helps osmosis of idea ;p So saying "When the flying cow hops three steps to the left, and the leper takes a drink from the fruit punch" is equivilent to "take a bath once and a while", you arnt being eloquent, you're being difficult. I imagine some people LOVE being difficult, and talk that way just so their message become eloquent, but the more simple something is, the better.
So again, I'll I'm trying to say, is don't be stuck up, difficult, or confratational when sharing beliefs. And I KNOW someone who reads this will be offended somehow, even though my message of the day is making talking easier. I already have enough on my plate to argue with people, so don't unless you have a reson or your name is Emily ;p
Cause I'll squish you on this journal, with the block button. Seriously, leave angst at home with the kiddies.
Toodaloo buckeroos,
-eP
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2 wishes make a wish
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| One Solar Cycle |
[12 Dec 2004|10:58am] |
It's been a whole year. Which is a long, long time to be deeply in love with someone, and never have it waver. I love Em more than I did a year ago; I feel closer, more compatible, and deeper in love. We've had rough spots, but no times where we didnt think we could work it out.
A year of love, and many more like it I hope.
Love you Em.
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2 wishes make a wish
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| trials and tribulations, please don't sue me. |
[10 Dec 2004|11:43am] |
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If love is made fonder by absense, than this journal must really love me.
This week has been busy. Most time availible has been stuffed a little bit, and most all of it was taken up. Next week is the opposite. Not much time taken up, but all of it stuffed with stuff until it can be stuffed no more. Finals week is next week. I have 3 finals; one Monday, Wensday, and Friday. Physics, Math, and ECE.
It has snowed here. Only about an inch, but thats frozen over into ice, and now everything is just one big crispy puff, with a hard outside, and a soft inside. Don't eat the yellow kind though. It's gotten colder but I think we still have another 20 degree's to go downwards until we hit "cold." It's going to be fun walking to class in sub-zero weather. At least it won't rain anymore.
I've joined a Fraternity. Not a "Frat house." It focuses on building it's members through the Greek ideal of brotherhood and sisterhood. It seperates the sexes because it's easier to talk to other guys about issues, and problems, and whatever else than talking to a woman. It'd be alot harder to walk up to another female college student and start talking about....guy physical issues, if I had any. It's easier to look up to an older "brother", and ask advice, than to do this with a female. I'm not discluding my girlfriend, I tell Emily everything. If there was a pie chart expressing how much she knows VS how much other people know about me, she has the whole pie. The idea behind the good Fraternities and Sorerities is not to segragate sexes because it makes you feel elite, but to share a bond that comes along with being a member of a sex. I enjoy times with just the guys, and with just my girlfriend, the latter being much more often and liked ;p .
*edit* I learned. I'm sorry, just didn't recognize it. Please reply again love, I want this to be positive.
Class now. No rest for the wicked.
Love you Em,
-eP
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1 wishes make a wish
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| Well. |
[22 Nov 2004|11:41am] |
1 day till vacation.
1 day till some things are absolved, solved, and forgotten. Thats a good thing.
1 day till my lover, till family, then back to the grind.
So there should be nothing to gripe about. There isnt. But there is.
I just want mention. I just want, a name in info's of person I'm important to. I think thats important. I think without it I seem to be drifting away. Losing importance. I don't know if others feel this way. I hope I include them. I hope.
Just feel behind interests. That those gain more mention than I do. When they come and go, it feels almost like I'm going with them, and another is coming in. Scary.
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3 wishes make a wish
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[24 Oct 2004|09:13pm] |
Sunday. Boring. Need to find things to do over the weekend, as it gets a bit dull, and stressful to not do anything. Just tend to get sad and it effects the way I act with Em, so I need to keep occupied and de-stressed.
2 weeks. Less actully. Then I see my love again. I can't wait, I miss her terribly. I can't wait to kiss her forehead, hold her against me, feel her heart beating. Just being away is hard, I just miss her presence, and the security that comes from being within a quarter hour of eachother. She's always on my mind, and I miss her every day.
It's hard to be romantic long distance. It's hard to tell her how beautiful I think she is, or how many times I'd kiss her and how I'd wake her up from naps with kisses. /sighs I miss my angel.
Thats really all there is. Anything else is easy, just takes determination.
I love you Faith.
-eP
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1 wishes make a wish
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[07 Oct 2004|07:01am] |
It's thursday. 1 day until tomorrow, in which I have two exams, but a chance to see Ems again. I think thats worth the tests..I can't wait.
So two tests, Intro to electrical and computer engineering (circuts, RC circuts, Monosylable and A-stable 555 timers), and Calculus. Both shouldnt be too bad, I'm more excited about getting out of here, home, and seeing the one in my heart. It's a long weekend, which makes it that much the better. Im getting a ride back with Wills parents and he's coming back up with my parents monday. Carpool idea.
Blahhh nothing to write. This often happens, I'm not much into writing sometimes. Either I'm distracted from writing anything or I have nothing to write. I'm sure I have something to write, just no interest in writing it.
So something to write about. Something important. There's a couple things important to my life right now. One is education, not only to have a future to support myself, to make myself happy, but in order to secure intellegence and the ability to think for myself in order to further and help my society and the people around me. Somehow my education just can't be so I can get out of college and make $50,000. There has to be something else. I want to be an engineer, I want to build computers. Maybe computers that exist in medical applications, maybe computers that can build things to help society. Something that will make a diffrence in someone elses life, may it be a sensor in a car that applies breaks if the occupant has fallen asleep, or a device that can somehow help the situation with the enviroment, preventing certain bi-products from being released into the Earth system. I don't know, something.
I want to have a family someday, I want to support them and make them happy. I also want to help my community, become interested in whats happeneing in the world and doing my duty to try and put my input on what should happen. I'm not there yet. I need more education, need more experiance before these things can come into reality. and thats okay, Im working on it.
I want friends, I want people who share my morals, intellegent people I can get along with. I don't mean the smartest people ever, I'm certainly not them, but I'm not interested in people who don't try to be educated, it doesn't interest me to hang out with them. I want my girlfriend. Ems means the world to me, and I'm wrong about staying with her. It's not an issue of not being able to live without her, not an issue about being afraid of not being with someone, its that she's a great person, someone who I could share my life with. I don't think I know everything about relsonships, about life with another person, but I'm learning. And thats good for now. I'll never forget her, she's improved my life in so many ways, I just need to not let things bother me, and be the person I want to be, determined and steadfast.
Oof. Thats important. I need a shower, thats also important. (oh deez)
Love you Em
-eP
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make a wish
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[25 Sep 2004|09:35am] |
It's been a while since I've posted here, my english skills my have been degrading in a negative exponent manner due to my lack of any english, reading, or anything other than math / science. I've been forced at gunpoint (a woman) to write again, so here I am.
College: A place of higher learning, and for stupid people to annoy me and kill brain cells. Lots of computer, lots of tv, lots of homework, not so much exersize. Need to fix that.
Home: A place to go when I want to see the love of my life, my one and only. I can't wait for october and the long weekend, just another time to be truly happy again. A place of long days and long nights, where the end is bittersweet and the next weekend awaits. Im such a dork.
Ems: I'm still hers, forever and always. More than she knows. I miss her terribly, I get reminded of her all the time. I can't wait to see her; soon I hope. Oof. She's all I really have to talk about, everything else here seems so normal compared.
I should write more...but nothing to say is needed. That made sense.
I love my girlfriend, my life, and my world. I'll keep it that way,
<3 you angel
-eP
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make a wish
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[08 Sep 2004|05:58pm] |
A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand lies have made me colder
And I don't think I can look at this the same
All the miles that separate
Disappear now when I'm dreamin' of your face
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight, there's only you and me.
The miles just keep rollin'
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go.
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there's only you and me.
Everything I know, and anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
And when the last one falls, when it's all said and done.
It gets hard but it won't take away my love
I'm here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby and I dream about you all the time
I'm here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl, there's only you and me
I miss her. My only.
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1 wishes make a wish
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[01 Sep 2004|07:45am] |
I woke up, put a new picture of us on the desktop, listened to John Meyer - Your body is a wonderland, and had a huge feeling of missing her. I can't explain how big.
/sigh
<3
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1 wishes make a wish
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| Miss her. |
[30 Aug 2004|10:40am] |
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I could talk about college. About roommates, friends that don't exist, or new classes.
But that only matters to me. I'm prepared to live it, but not write it.
So whats important enough to write? I miss her. Miss her terribly.
I've a hole in me. About a foot wide, where my heart should be. She carries it with her. And with her lies my trust with it.
I'm missing a wrist and neck. She has both. They're still here, still the same...but more...important now.
I'm missing my lips. They belong only to her.
I'm missing my sense of touch, it is only worthy of her skin and hair.
I missing my better half. But somehow missing half of me makes me a better person. When I'm alone I'm Ed. A whole Ed with parts missing on the inside. When I'm with her I'm one and a half Eds. Or something like that. God I miss her.
Miss her. Love her. Need her. There's nothing else to say.
<3
-eP
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1 wishes make a wish
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| Last night |
[26 Aug 2004|11:46pm] |
My last night. I kept wanting the clock to stop, kept wanting time to just pause for us and let us be forever. Kept wanting to say how much I would miss her, how much I would want to hold her when I'm in my bed all alone. Words wouldn't do it, so I didn't try this time.
It'll be hard. I'll miss her like crazy. But I know she'll always be with me, and that I'll always be with her. Like it or not she is a part of me now, a part that I'm going to miss. I love, love, love, love her. I'll miss her. My angel.
-eP
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make a wish
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[12 Aug 2004|11:16pm] |
Don't know if I like my haircut. To be honest, don't know if anyone else does either. Whatever, its just hair.
Mall tomorrow...yay!
and stuff.
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make a wish
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[11 Aug 2004|11:20am] |
Nother day at home.
Moms out doing something or other, and my lack of vehicular transportation leaves me with no other options but to be lazy, and spend my day here.
Anyways. I think I slept well, didn't wake up until 9 when the alarm went off, then I got up, had breakfast, and wandered for a while. The bugbites I had yesterday have swelled more, giving more evidence and convincing me more that I may be allergic to the bites. They love me too.
We have a few new movies from the online place that ships them. I'll watch one today, and watch another one with Ems sometime if she wants to. I do enjoy watching them with her, just curled up on the couch. Mmmph. Anyway.
Hmmm. Anything new? Not really. Mall friday I hope, then Spiderman 2 at the IMAX on sunday. That the plan
<3 you angel.
-eP
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1 wishes make a wish
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| Fiddlesticks |
[09 Aug 2004|10:47am] |
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Half-life soundtrack |
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Absurd: Of, relating to, or manifesting the view that there is no order or value in human life or in the universe.
Bum bum bum Bum bum bum Bum bum bum wum wum wum wum wum wum wum wum wum wum wum wum wum wum wum...bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
I like iced tea. 1 1/2 scoops in my nalgene is about 575752389572893729 shots of caffine into my system. It's great.
Hopefully going to the Topsham Fair today, it's always fun, and it's a nice day out.
As you can tell, no coherant thoughts, so nothing to write about, so I'm going to go do chores.
Yikes.
-eP
<3 you angel
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make a wish
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[04 Aug 2004|02:11pm] |
Leave and bury the past, it's dead.
Baggage will only weigh you down.
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1 wishes make a wish
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[03 Aug 2004|12:48am] |
Quick log of day: Well. Yesterday, its almost 1 in the morning.
Woke up round 9, half-hour after Ems called, got up, breakfast, computer, shower.
Worked on outside of house from noon till 4, waited for Ems to get on aim, messed around with TFC.
Had dinner, went to wallmart at 7, bought Hitman2 and "Big Fish" then headed over to Ems at 7:30
Watched a funny movie at Ems, went to leave at 10, ended up leaving at 10:30. Ooops. <3
Got home, installed hitman2, and here I am....
.....Missing her like a dog misses just about anything. At least alot.
<3 -eP
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1 wishes make a wish
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